Varik psych eval

Posted on Tue Jul 27th, 2021 @ 1:14pm by Lieutenant Amanda Rose
Edited on on Sun Jul 27th, 2025 @ 4:45am

1,634 words; about a 8 minute read

It was always informative to have a medical appointment to go to as a patient. Doctor Varik used them, if nothing else, as a method of polishing her bedside manner, a way to remember what patients go through and to keep that in mind during her day-to-day. This one was a little different however; her psychological evaluation with the ship's counsellor. The classic question for psychiatrists of course was 'how does that make you feel?' Often times with Vulcans that was a very loaded question and the responses could range from a straight and honest answer to being grossly insulted. Varik was certainly curious to see if and how Ontario's counsellor would handle the subject of emotion with a Vulcan patient. She pressed the chime on the door at the allotted hour (and minute) and awaited a response before entering.

Amanda knew who was at her door. Precision and logic were two hallmarks of Vulcans. Granted, not every Vulcan was the same but sometimes, to Amanda, those who took themselves overly seriously could feel like a ship's computer WITHOUT a personality. Regardless, her job was to counsel everyone, including stubborn Vulcans. Putting on her best smile and cheery voice, she said, "Come on in, Lieutenant Varik." Varik did just that.

When Varik came in, she was confronted with a room that was comfortable but somewhat cluttered. There was a couch, several chairs of varying types, and a beanbag chair. The room was created with a sense of trying to make just about anyone comfortable. "Make yourself comfortable," Amanda told Varik, as if echoing the thoughts of the room. She remained standing while she watched and waited for Varik to select a place to sit.

"Good morning, counsellor," Varik offered cordially as she surveyed the furnishings. "I prefer 'Doctor' to 'Lieutenant'," she informed Amanda as she chose a seat. She couldn't help but think that the seat choice was a test or indicator before the session even began, designed perhaps to to show the counsellor something about her patient. Varik chose one of the seats that offered good posture without being too hard. She sat up straight in it, possibly because she was a stiff Vulcan and possibly because she was an expert in anatomy and understood the benefits of good posture. Her signature long dark ponytail sat on the backrest of her chair and she offered no further conversation but looked at the counsellor expectantly.

Amanda smiled. Varik was nearly completely predictable in her choices and mannerisms, thus far. It was interesting that she chose a ponytail rather than cropping her hair short. She wondered what the logical reason might be for that. "I assume that you would prefer to Doctor rather than Varik, or would that be incorrect?"

Varik took a little time to think about this. It was probably another test.

"If this session is is to be successful then to my mind I should be absolutely candid with you. Therefore, while there are only two of us here and I do not foresee the necessity to use my name, in this setting only should you wish to use it you may call me Varik. It seems to me illogical to withhold that privilege when I may well be sharing much more personal details presently."

Amanda smiled and said, "I understand, Varik. I would not compromise your confidentiality and I appreciate your trust."

She paused again before stating, "I am rather curious about your hairstyle. Why did you choose it?"

No pause was necessary here, it was a question Varik had had to answer before.

"Firstly, tradition. My mother and grandmother wear slightly different styles of what might be termed a 'bob'. While we are not an unconventional family I will admit this is less common in this century particularly but is not wildly rare or without precedent. I should point out at this juncture I have obviously taken that base concept and gone further with it. The second reason is that the majority of my patients are of non-vulcan backgrounds. While my evidence is only anecdotal and not empirical I have found a more favourable response from my patients to an appearance that is more relatable to them. In short I do not wish to spark assumptions from those I treat especially in more difficult and emotional situations for them that their doctor will be cold and uncaring, entirely methodical and not put any stock in how they are feeling emotionally just because of the differences between how their species and my species deal with emotions. Thirdly there is an element of vanity. I would be lying if I said there wasn't and while it is kept very much in check as are all of my emotions, it is present. I doubt that I will and nor do I wish to become emotionless to a point of Kolinahr, I do not believe that would be the right thing as a doctor who treats non-vulcans, nor am I capable of it. Therefore to correctly control my emotions I must admit to myself they exist. At Starfleet medical academy it was made clear to me by my contemporaries I was physically attractive, in part in an effort to put me off balance. It was in part due to this that I decided to lean into the concept, to derive some satisfaction from my appearance and in turn not only did I disarm those who would use it against me, I gained their respect. I should note I have reverted to more traditional dress since leaving the Academy as I am now in a more professional, mature setting."

"Interesting," Amanda admitted. "Is there a reason that you rejected going through the Kolinahr?"

Varik blinked.

“I believe I just specified my reasons,” she said a little sharply.

"I do not believe so. While I appreciate that you recognize that it may give you a better bedside manner, did you anticipate that at a young age? And what of your parents? Did they not express dissatisfaction with that decision or try to force you through the process? While you admit that they exist and you admit to having vanity, that does not necessarily mean it is a rationale for your decision. The road you have chosen is somewhat unusual and many of your species would say, 'illogical.' That is not something one casts off simply or on a whim."

You may recall I used the word doubt,” Varik shot back quickly but unemotionally. She was surprised the Counsellor would suspect any Vulcan of doing anything on a ‘whim’, that would suggest a lack of logical thought. Such implications could be insulting, but Varik was unaffected. It could of course just be another test to see if she would react emotionally. “No decision has been made. At my young age that would be unwise. No conversation with my parents has been had on the subject, I am focused currently on my career as a doctor and they are aware of that. Only the most centered and disciplined achieve Kolinahr and evidence suggests my ability to purge emotion in that way may be insufficient. That does not mean I have resigned myself to failure or that I do not wish to improve, quite the contrary, yet I must be honest with myself about all of my abilities and aspects both convenient and inconvenient. Along with my belief that it makes me a better doctor this is the reason for my current doubt, however I am still young and have many decades of experiences left that may alter my position.”

As was typical of her manner Varik’s gaze never wavered from Amanda.

"I see," Amanda responded simply, not looking away from Varik. "Does it bother you that you might be unable to purge your emotions?"

"No."

"Why not?" Amanda answered almost as simply. Varik sat unwaveringly still and upright, giving away nothing.

"It is not a primary goal of mine at this time and therefore does not warrant extensive rumination. Furthermore having accepted it is unlikely I would achieve it's even if I made an attempt, dwelling on that shortcoming, in my opinion, would only be destructive. In my experience lamentation is rarely useful."

"Tell me, why do you view your emotions as a shortcoming? They can be a strength."

Varik took a deep breath. She was confused by this question. Was the counsellor being deliberately provocative or did she simply lack an understanding of Vulcan ways?

“Emotions are tightly controlled in Vulcan Society, because if they are not we become a danger to ourselves and those around us. Part of the process is to recognize how and what you feel so that can be rightly understood, controlled, even extinguished. To ask a Vulcan why they view their emotions as a shortcoming is not only avoiding the plainly obvious answer but for a mental health professional bordering on negligent in my opinion, an opinion I come to both as a Vulcan and as a doctor.”

Amanda was undeterred. "Are you afraid that your logic will not hold, that you are unwilling to consider that suppressing emotions can be a shortcoming? What does your logic tell you about that?" She smiled. "Frankly, you sound disturbed or upset. Those are valid emotions, Varik. And, you have them, whether you suppress them or not. That means you need to be able to understand them. If you cannot, you cannot control them. Also recognize that there are Vulcans who believe opposite to the majority view. The V'tosh ka'tur, seem to coexist with emotions. In fact, your own beliefs seem to coincide with them more than the standard Vulcan." Again, she flashed a pretty smile at Varik, satisfied with her response and wondering if she would hear another outburst.

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