Part III -- She's My Counselor Not Yours...
Posted on Tue Jul 29th, 2025 @ 3:30am by Lieutenant Amanda Rose & Lieutenant Xavier
1,292 words; about a 6 minute read
Mission:
Preservation Instinct
Location: Counseling Office | USS Ontario
Timeline: Just before arrival at Eden
ON:
Amanda moved to the replicator. "I hope you don't mind that my drink of choice is hot chocolate. Can I get you anything?"
He shook his head. "I'm fine." He waited for her to settle into her seat.
"If you change your mind, let me know," Amanda told Xavier.
He sighed. "Very well. You wish to know the ins and outs of this sad excuse that is me, I shall oblige. I was born on Vulcan, the last child born, an unexpected and very much unwanted pregnancy. My mother, a diplomat, my father a Romulan who'd left his planet long ago to seek Surak. He was a renowned professor and to keep up family images they welcomed their unwanted child then promptly left two days after the birth for conferences on Earth. My eldest brother, the very same one married to my previous counselor named me Xander and brought me home. He cared for me, a child himself. We were a happy family for all public appearances but in private I was left to my own devices. Books became a friend I turned to often." He paused pushing down the crushing pain in his chest whenever he thought of his childhood.
"I was, according to my professors, intelligent and studious. That was never something my parents cared about with respect to me. I, like my brothers before me, participated in the coming of age ritual the Kahs-wan. I did not cross the finish line on time and was left for dead. When I did cross it, my late return was seen as a shame on the family. Once I recovered from the poisoned bite that kept me from crossing the finish line on time I returned home to no fan fair.
In school, I was always the halfling Romulan. I kept to myself, had a small circle of friends...no acquaintances who were kind to me despite my half Romulan blood. When I was in, what you humans called high school, the kids in the school trapped me in a rarely used turbo lift at the school. I was there for three days and nobody flagged me as missing. I was eventually found by a kind janitor and she saw me home and explained my absence.
Before I left Vulcan I had fallen in love with a person who seemed to genuinely care for me." He paused. "Shall I continue?"
Amanda listened to the sorry story but wanted to get Xavier's full view of himself and understand the change from Xander. "Please."
"Very well," he said. "I fell in love with someone who said he loved me more then every breath he took. We'd made plans to leave the city, start our lives together. He begged me to go with him. That's when my parents found out that I was in love with the son of one of the Vulcan Council members. Well the IDIC seemed to go out the door. They were angry. They were shouting at me along with most of my brothers. The one that is married to my previous counselor, the one who'd cared for me, named me, took our sisters and left. He left me alone. That night my family told me that I was unwanted, an accident, all things I knew but the words of their hate and disgust seemed to know no bounds. That night I left my home with nothing but a small bag of the few things I had that were precious to me. I went to see the person I thought loved me and you know what he said? He told me he never loved me, that I was a mere distraction. He asked me how he could love a Romulan? He had me thrown out, the house guards did a fine job of it too."
He clenched his fists. "That day I left Vulcan with a small bag, several bruises and broken ribs, and knowing my true place as a nothing, a nobody, an insignificant bit of dust nobody wanted. I came to Earth, I changed my name to try give myself a new start. I lived on the streets until I was able to get a small place, a job in a café and then by sheer luck a way to get into Starfleet. I had tried to be my true self with people and was pushed away at every opportunity and what did it matter? So I took my opportunity I finished my Starfleet education, became an officer. Tried to live what's left of my life in peace and even that I couldn't do with my former counselor and her husband thinking that I'm just some thing that needs fixing." He stood walking over to the window. "None of this matters anyway, do you know why?"
"I'm curious why you think that," Amanda answered seriously, yet sympathetically before taking a sip of her hot chocolate.
He sighed and walked back to his seat. "Counselor how much do you know about Vulcan customs?"
"Quite a bit. There are mandatory sessions regarding Vulcans."
"Well then you'll know that most of us are bonded at a young age to later marry. Upon the onset of Pon Farr. Let me be clear. All my brothers and sisters, even though we have half Romulan blood seem to be afflicted with Pon Farr. They were all bonded and those who have gone through it are now married, even my eldest brother re-married when his bond mate died. I was never bonded. Thus, when I am afflicted, I shall fade into nothingness. Therefore your ... efforts are useless. If my siblings are any indication I have but a few years left."
"There are a great deal of theories regarding pon farr. Certainly, it is a time when Vulcans are afflicted with allowing their emotions to come out as a result of suppression. Some claim it is a biological imperative. After all, a young Spock when he was reincarnated went through the process. Yet, Spock went through a pon farr when it was time for him to mate with T'Pring. He did not mate with her and the time passed once the ritual was completed. Many half Vulcans never experience it and some say it is because they allow themselves to experience their emotions. There is strong evidence for this. Romulans, as you know, are just Vulcans removed from Vulcan and none experience pon farr, except those in your circumstances where you have accepted a more Vulcan way of life...."
"It's not so much as a way of life as the Vulcan blood and drives." He sighed. "Either way I won't fight it. There is no point. I am trying to enjoy the life I have, thus reliving past trauma suits me not."
"Seems rather defeatist to me," Amanda answered. "Your past does not dictate your future." She sipped her hot chocolate again before continuing. "If you really intending to enjoy your life, then I think you should start actively reaching out to this 15 year friend and make arrangements to meet."
"I will think about it. That is the best I can do for now." He paused. "May I go to work now?"
"Of course," Amanda answered standing up. "I appreciate you taking the time to think about our discussion. Just let me know when you want to speak again, aside from our normal meetings."
When the universe lays an egg, he said internally. "Very well," he said out loud. He gave a small bow and then all but ran out the door.
Amanda shook her head. There was a lot of work to be done with that boy.
OFF:
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Lieutenant Amanda Rose
Chief Counselor
USS Ontario
&
Lieutenant Xavier
Chief Flight Control Officer
USS Ontario